Yes, I leave the house every day with my hat and gloves; i realized how 'old school' that sounded esp., thinking of women from back in the day with regards to proper street attire.  These days, i'm talking about my ball cap and bike gloves;   Of course i've been buying a lot of my hats off of Ughh.com, which has some nice selections, if not enough sizes. today it is a brown hat,

  Nice ani't it.  I like it but my sticker is more in the center of the bill instead of off to the side, which i should copy or remove;

it is friday and i'm not feeling up to my basic duties today; hopefully my rent check will clear and the most i need to worry about is eating for the rest of the month; that reminds me i should do a couple of things..

yeah, i'm tripping on money, and how much i would like to have extra; so i was looking at my funds trying to figure out where i could shave a little off; barely got the rent in bank so i would do well to add a few coins to that accounting; which means, borrowing from peter to cover paul.

 the max of course is $255.00 bucks, which will just about cover a bit of verizon and pg&e and maybe leave me some change..like at the most 50 bucks if that; whatever;

I am holding out doing it cause i wanted to be free and clear this kind of debt; but here i am again considering the options

.

     so, 

on the art front, I've been doing a bit of drawing; 

 like the small sketch of Curt J.  whom can be found on flickr.com, as one of

Here in Van Nuys'

models, Andy takes such great picture and his pictures of Curt are outstanding.

i've been a bit caught up with drawing some boys i found on amazona.com,

which is an adult site; but the photography can be tasteful and often rather well done, almost arty.  Come to think of it I haven't heard from my 

penpal in quite a while;  I hope he has not gotten himself into another jam; I was kinda stern with him about asking me for money; which i don't like to send; but i did for him just this once; now he's absent, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..  I'm really rather hungry right now and wished i'd fried that chicken this morning..cause i would have had some lunch today; oh, well, gonna be a hard nite and long ride home tonight.

 I owe my mother a return call:

yeah, she did  call me a few days back and i've been meaning to get back in touch; she sounded happy, or at least well rested; i hope all is well on the home front; 

 O.K., now i'm revisiting the problem, since the bid for ace payday advance just failed through cause now the rules have changed and my old addressed check will not work, according to the clerk i ran into this morning; i just checked my bank account and though i don't see the rent check as having come through, i'm short a bit of money for it to clear at least 40 to 50 bones; of course i'm still short the verizon and pg&e as well, so my shit is up the creek right now..and me i'm frozen in limbo don't know what to deal with .. afraid to spend a dime in any direction now that netflix and already come through;

so, i sent in a reimbursement request for $55.00 bones, which should off set my account enough to cover the check assuming they don't try to cash it between now and say thursday which will take my transit tax shelter account that long to process and deposit the said monies; this would leave me about 4.00 bones after all is settled and still the verizon and pg&e are outstanding..what's a boi to do; 

my porn whould be in my mail box when i get home tonight, depending on how it was packaged, 

tracking had this to say:

	Delivered, June 14, 2010, 2:36 pm, EMERYVILLE, CA 94608
	Out for Delivery or Available at PO Box, June 14, 2010, 9:22 am, EMERYVILLE, CA 94608
	Sorting Complete, June 14, 2010, 8:52 am, EMERYVILLE, CA 94608
	Arrival at Post Office, June 14, 2010, 5:05 am, EMERYVILLE, CA 94608
	Processed through Sort Facility, June 13, 2010, 12:24 am, OAKLAND, CA 94615
	Processed through Sort Facility, June 11, 2010, 8:31 pm, OPA LOCKA, FL 33054
	Electronic Shipping Info Received, June 11, 2010

so i can only assume; maybe my neighbor took the package and placed it on my door, cann't say until i get home..   A LITTLE CLOSE UP of a rather old painting; just love the expression so much..though the work is rather crude and colored rather dirty or muddy in affect..i still enjoy this work, but probably for different reasons than at first.

 Treading Water; drowning in mediocrity and uselessness;

  well,  I managed to receive my videos, i managed to file for the small claim on my pretax account; i haven't looked at my bank account to see what has gone down there__essentially i am holding my breath; I've come to realize, slowly, I'm running out of or out of certain items that i deem essential to my well being; like, soap, coffee, fruits&vegetables,  cigarettes, weed, lotion,

    in spite of it all my mind has been going the way of men in the summer heat; so far the heat is none too high, but the men seem to be everywhere; and a lot of it seems aimless, appearance for the sake of seeming constructive yet you can tell they are up to nothing..too much free time.

 but i am watching them none the less,

 i suspect i do have a type; though i am subject to notice 'non typical' as well; what is my type?

•   black or a shade of brown tinged with yellow
•    the hair black, straight or woolly soft, thick &  curled
•   forehead projecting and or convex & arched; nose thick, wide & mouth large
•   cheek bones projecting
•   well endowed but not like a horse
  
• youthful but not restricted to age
• skinny but body definition
• fragile but not weak
• sensitive but not a cry baby
• intelligent but not arrogant
  
• polite manner with a keen sense of fairness
• creative

     Perhaps this list is too much; i hadn't really thought about whether or not i could actually find all these qualities in one person (man).  Hell I'm not sure i embody all of these qualities;
     Yeah, these bad boys are my new sneakers, one thing i did right for my brithday; got them on sale in fact; the material is said to be water proof so i spend a little time cleaning them up and/or keeping them clean; nothing like white sneakers..

  Yeah, i'm wondering what's up wit my pen pa Ryan M. seems he's busy, and hasn't had the time to send me a few words;

i hope he is o.k., being in prison

     is when i realize I've been rejected;  Rejection is difficult to swallow, and harder to spit out; Most of the time, I'm willing to 'suspend' my pride and not invest in reasons why another didn't want to 'get to know me'; sometimes I'm unable to let it go; most of the time it still stings and hurts.  I really don't have a clue why 'he' declined my invitation but I generally believe it is the result of some sort of 'perceived' homosexual come on; perhaps, the 'flirtation' was more pronounced than I had thought I was demonstrating; perhaps,  my attempt at casual indifference was awkward and suggestively too emotional; 

     all in all, I'm certain to live on without this additional human association in my life; I don't regret asking the boy; i am 'saddened' to realize he 'really' does not want to befriend; I am embarrassed to think he changed his 'routine' to avoid any kind of social interaction with me;  this kind of 'fear' (which i can rationalize sooner than hatred, or disgust) of 'involvement' is strange and unsettling for me because I can not image myself as having any kind of negative affect on another person; by kind of fear, I mean the emotions that cause a person to 'want' to avoid some other person.  I think the times i have or would demonstrate such, would be with some person whom was truly bothersome to me, i.e., following me, persistently injecting themselves in my life; coming on strong and annoyingly unconscious of my feeling and or reactions; 

     Checking myself, i don't think I demonstrated any of the above mentioned nuisance traits towards him; although, the possibility exist that my simple direct introduction to him was 'perceived' as such.  I am the type of guy, whom would tell a guy straight off; I don't think I would change my routines in avoidance; I think I understand, how a str8 boi could find it difficult to tell a perceived homo that he does not care to befriend.  

     I don't know, when women flirt with me and seek an introduction, and/or ultimately a befriending, I'm not unsettled by the energy; I may even move with her toward some kind of social relationship mindful of the pace and space of the affair; however; if we (her and/or I) invest 'substantially' in the energy then i will make clear that I've no sexual interest in relating to her;  I think I also give her the choice of continuing the interactions.  I don't think I simply avoid or straight out reject, she would have to be like or worse than the fore mentioned nuisance.

"..but I don’t think hanging out is such a good idea.  nothing personal .."

  So maybe, I don't really understand why a str8 boi thinks interaction with a perceived homo is best left to immediate rejection and avoidance.  Blog about it after so long an absence from blogging is probably more about my 'perceived' wound.  Different strokes for different folks is probably my best assessment;  I think I am needing to express this dismay because I invested to greatly in the 'possibility' of his association.  

     I noticed this boi, because his routine often put him in my immediate environment;  I noticed this boi because I boi watch esp., given the very public nature of my environment i.e., I spend at the least 4 hours of the day in a public counter as a service agent;  the counter is at the entrance and lobby of a building frequented by large numbers of persons.  I noticed this boi because of the many men/boys that frequent the building, he stood out to me--his small size, his brown complexion, his evenly cut buzz cut black hair, his 'slacker' like dress, his dark eyes and his constant appreciation to music, and of course his routine of coming into the lobby at basically the same time and sitting in the same chairs every day.  Chairs that face the counter of which i am either sitting or standing, watching people, waiting to serve people.

     I noticed him because I wanted to notice him or at least some one whom looks like him; I prefer him to the many other types, namely white, of men/boys that frequent the lobby; I don't fault him for 'perceiving' me as homo, cause I am; I am also certain that my notice of him was sexually informed (although I don't think that was it's base motivation.)  I can no longer feel guilty for having sexual desire in a environment that offers so few opportunities to engage other homosexuals, in particular, of the mating rituals.  Not accounting for ageism that may also be playing a significant role in my mating opportunities, I think heterosexuality dominates my day to day routine environments;

 " you seem like a cool person, ..  but I like to keep my professional life strickley professional.  .."

     And like most str8 guys, I too have to let some go by the way side; I may think I'm 'all that and a bag of chips too' but I can accept other men (str8 and/or queer) may not find me of the least interesting.  I'm not sure what kind of 'professional' thing he has going on sitting in the lobby of a building listening to an Ipod on the daily at exactly the same time, but I can respect his desire to seem so.  As my life is My Adventure, so too is his life his without me (other than as a 'fixture' of the lobby that he frequents [and/or use to frequent].)  I'm glad I made the effort to speak to him cause now I fully know whether he is available to me as at least a new friend.  In some ways, I'm not bothered that his avoidance has meant he no longer frequents the lobby of the building for one cause I simply wouldn't want such unavailable eye candy around and secondly cause I think the avoidance forces him to change up what I perceived as a rather sad routine (esp., if he is not doing it (the routine of the same place/same time same thing behavior) to provide the opportunity to expand his social network)

 I continue to long:

 for what exactly, seems to be ever changing; mostly items of or specific to netbooks, bikes, books, and music; then comes drugs and sex neither of which actually gets my full attention; i.e., i only smoke a limited amount of pot and my sex life is cuming in my hand.

New year around the bend;

I'm not anxious but then again i'm not chill either; new years always seem to catch me basically out of sorts, i.e., broke, and alone with little motivation;  I use to travel around this time of the year, esp., cause flights are cheaper in the winter but that seems like years ago when i had that kind of disposable cash;  Use to mean something to me to at least visit the family, whereas now, i feel like why don't they ever think of visiting me?

http://twitter.com/iDLg2009

He is

also the embodiment of my (physical) type of man;  go figure huh?

 it is like 1:40pm and I will have to 'serve' some time on the library circulation counter when i return; now that is a bit of information that serves very little purpose but I thought i would post it anyway;  something like the text of my continued letters to my prison pen pal ray marino, oh, he is up at Folsom State Prison; i met him through my regular pen pal who was freddy thiecke, but since that time freddy stopped but ryan and i have continued, another 'go figure';

much respect
btw, the 'ease' image is again nice work; best regards to David as well"

Maybe that will work out for the both of us.  I hope he shares or at least pays his models, cause i would like to be of benifit to David as well.  I know in Barbados $300.00 is like $600.00 so really that is a nice sum of change.

These are the days of wine and roses;

One Size (Condom) Does Not Fit All (Penises)  and to that affect i've decided these two are the best for my needs;

Length: 7 inches / Width: 1.75 inches

7/15/2009

I appear reluctant to speak in this photo graph; I took it myself with my new  cell phone..

hero I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SMILE.... on Twitpic

So I have done a sketch of him and his late friend Dash Snow; I liked the photograph that mr  snow had taken and  publicly displayed;

oh, I'm listening to:

                                     Wareika Hill Sounds

s ocial networks are going to kill me;

there is the assumption, both mine and i think society in general, that everyone is in need of some one or ones else at most times in their human life; otherwise, the anti social are either lacking in some good social graces or crazy as in likely to blow up a building;

these are sad days with these assumptions; abet, we move on; seems when i was younger that is exactly what i did; I moved on physically for greater and/or other social outlets, experiences and relations; now a days, we simply change up on where we dump our stuff, i.e., we might drop flickr.com and get more active on twitter.com, or we might drop both of these and blog, with say word press,

i recently got going on the twitter thing, for 2 reason, one being earsnot..a person of character..and secondly cause it was a feature of my new phone..so i thought why not..

last night, i sort'a had a date; too bad it was really only a sex hook-up; lean and sexy with a 'real' gift from his mom & dad, if u know what i mean; anyhow, he waz' not one for quiet, gentle slow intimacy; no, more like get it up, absolute

 Manhattan-street pick-up and the two find themselves in a gym lockerroom. Ricky professes to be a ""lil' devil,"" and Midnight wants to find out for himself. Midnight's typical NYC banjee-boy trade, backward b-ball cap and all - and that was fine with me. They strip to their skivvies (fans of baggy boxers will dig Midnight's pair) and Ricky starts worshipping Midnight's heavily-skinned cock. (Sorry, but I hafta mention another sloppy-sound moment: What I at first thought were kind of cool voiceovers from Ricky turned out to be off-camera direction from the videographer.) Midnight's dark cock starts to swell, poking out from the side of his baggies, and I was getting worked ov-ah.

 The soundtrack flipped from light house to kinda lame hip-hop, but I paid it no mind. I was too into the guys' actions 'n antics. Unfortunately, the antics quickly ended: the image cuts to several freeze-frames of Ricky jacking and spitting his load out. It was hot, but not what I expected; where was the fuck? Maybe he simply tired of bottoming so many times.

A series of descriptive long sentences.

Organized chaos?

The day was overcast with solemn gray clouds;  from the open window the tree seemed to hang in the air like an artist’s paint brush before a blank canvas—the branches swayed in the morning breeze just as pensive;

I had stumbled from a restless sleep to answer the door—blurry eyed I looked at Elvis in his calf length blue shorts and oversized white t-shirt; with the sunny disposition of a storybook school boy he offered to ‘blaze’ me out with his new sack after asking if he had awaked me.  I mumbled, something, which ended with ‘later.’  “I’ll stop by after school” he shouted as he leaped down the red steps to my stoop.

I stood in the center of the cracked tile flooring; placed my hand on the back of the chair and observed the room as I sat down.

There is a white plate with a blue ring just outside the base—littered with the remnants of cooked food; the tiny bits of egg and bread crumbs seemed to suggest a meal.  A blue twist from a loaf of  bread, a couple of dirty coffee cups—facing each other as if commanding generals on a battle field; a third of a loaf of Milton’s bread balances on the very edge of the table;  an ash tray with two cigarette butts seems to tether it there; while,  another ash tray overflowing with cigarette butts sits quietly on the opposite end of the universe;  a bottle of hot sauce, a paint brush, a magic amulet made of string, wire and beads—fleshy pale brown, with white wire holding the fleshy beads in a five point pattern and a green bead like jade with black string placed atop— the designer was a white man who lives in the parks of San Francisco who spoke often of the bad energy of the police;  a wedding invitation of a ceremony held in the park lies on this table surrounded by three chairs.

I am sitting in the chair facing the window that opens from top and bottom with a

red flannel cloth covering the bottom half; the edge  along the rod is faded burnt orange.

At corner of this kitchen, within the cabinet is a shelf holding a black baker cookie jar—jolly and fat unlike my disposition before my usual cup of coffee, old issues of ‘wax poetics’, and a row of cook books, a microphone, a cable box remote control, mini headphones, vitamins in a small red tin, a wicker basket from my God daughter last Easter once filled with candies and a colored egg now with lens cleaning cloths, a small plastic bottle of paint  brush cleaning solution, a heart shaped tin—red with tiny red and white hearts—a stack of old wallets, a pharmaceutical mortar bowl and various broken boy children’s little toys—a dog with no head, a motorcycle with no handle bars, soccer balls;  Three shelves up—dishes on the first shelf, a row of upside down margarita glasses on the next shelf and a row of empty ‘magic’ shaving powder cans—gold, red and silver—line the top shelf; French style glass doors are open against the wall.  I smell eggs and bacon cooking from some where outside, my kitchen is still.

The dish rack has a small stack of dishes along with a few pots and pans—the counter holds a couple of empty beer quart bottles, a chopping block leans against the wall, a salt shaker, a butter tray, and a bottle of rubbing alcohol cut away to a wide mouth with a wire pipe cleaning stem balanced across the top, a few dry sponges and a sink full of dishes—a fry pan, a plate, a bowl, a couple of plastic food trays, a drip coffee cone, along the sink shelf a margarita glass with a plant clipping, and a glass vase with a handle of green liquid soap.

The walls are lined with paintings, nudes of men and boys, neighbors, a rose, a small orange metal placard of a blue number six, a wall calendar and a small metal placard that says ‘negro noir café exquis’, a paper daisy on a wooden post stands in the corner behind a trash can just as tall, a mop lies against the refrigerator and a broom lies against the wall behind the stove.

made me miss dancing and re stimulated my desire to go dancing, esp., in the street for fun

see

or    flickr
 

  a queer life; drugs, sex and isolation; race, money and social standing?  lately i taken to listening to homo hop radio, simply for the inspiration of voices like my own.

Why i am only as personally constructive as i am at work vs home is another condition? I think i realize that i spend most of my days in and at a work enviorment thus i attempt to maximize that time creatively since i realize that my home time is mainly eat, cum and sleep..more or less in that order.

    I'm not sure if this is a good life since i'm too busy essentialy running behind the creditors and other consumeristic life.  I mean I do need things, like shoes, socks, records, books, art supplies, art itself..etc. etc.,

    Is need a good word..perhaps i should say i want things, as is i am also working on more and more non physiclal consumption, by that, I think I am talking about the consumption of things that don't leave a physicla object in your pocession, like travel.

    I've noticed that I only construst this blog at work though which was my original thought regarding the limits of my time.

    I was tripping the other day, on another artist site,

a black artist by the name of belasco; we sort of met and knew each other for a minute, however, the gentleman is way famous for his art work unlike myself.  And deserving? his fame is for him since his work is really incrediable and queer.  I admire the pencil work he does of black guys a bit more than his character sketches; but there is no doubt his cartoons are erotic.  I myself have actually jacked off to them on more than one occassion.

    anyway, i pulled some links from his site that i should share as I found them to be really informative links..in an art to artist sence.

             Africa Boy

              .....he says it is the site of a free boy from africa; his drawings are great, I only hoped to draw as many and as well the beauty of black men; the thing i liked most is the variedness of his models and styles, excellent work and a true inspiration for me; in fact, i went back into another site and pulled a bunch of pictures of black guys just to throw more blacks into my flickr.com site.

    This effort didn't go too far since the site i used had a number of guys whom all seemed to be the same kind of guy; the 6 pack abs, the big arms, and tightly groomed hair; some after awhile didn't even look black if not for there skin color, since they all had the fairly straight nose, full mouths but not that large, and sharp chins.  I was surprised to see so many black guys who all looked so similar.

 I don't know why I don't draw more african male features; I suppose I'm way too snowed out in my life, and since being in san francisco these many years, I become way too polycultured in what i look at with regards to men; I mean, I do draw a awfull lot of asian, mexican, and or latin american men as well as dark europeans;

    I suppose if i lived in africa, then blacknuss would be a bit more my primary focus?  Or if I had been raised in predomanately black communities; but that is not the case for me; a product of amerika integration efforts since the 50's; seems i've always been around them other folks.

oh yeah, links...

speaking of non black specific art..but yes, still male..

 I like the collection.  It also inspired me with regards to my lines in pencil;

 iDLg back up__

 __________________________________________________my boi Elvis 

iDLg 
Oakland/SF artist

figurative portrait art
mix mediums including but not limited to acrylic, oil pastels, pen and ink
and marker;

Past shows include:
SFArts
Oh So Little Cafe
Gay & Straight Alliance Art Auction
National Queer Arts Festival 2002 -

 a small show i just put up at CAFFE TERZETTO, (550D Gene Friend Way) in
Mission Bay of San Francisco, CA; consist of 5 portraits, (Kyp Malone, Ralph
B., Eliosmar, School Boi [Eddy], & Chinese Soldier )and a shopping cart
triptych (Chupacabra, 3D cart & Oakland Gold); 
please stop by and enjoy a coffee and my work; I would sincerely appreciate
any critique or comments. 
best wishes 

 --- On Sun, 10/5/08, Brent Kincaid <brentkincaid@hotmail.com> wrote:

From: Brent Kincaid <brentkincaid@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE: encouraging support for art
To: idlg@sbcglobal.net
Date: Sunday, October 5, 2008, 1:01 PM



The parinting is great, but I have no idea who you are. I can see WHAT
you are, but there is no name. Just that unreadable calligraphed
signature. Who are you and how did you know to contact me?
 
And, thanks for sharing the wonderful artwork.
 
Brent

Date: Mon, 6 Oct 2008 12:30:13 -0700
From: idlg@sbcglobal.net
Subject: RE: encouraging support for art
To: brentkincaid@hotmail.com


so sorry to disturb you; (i was gonna say some'ting
'smart' like_______goD gave me yo email address..cause his promotions
is on high) but the truth is i probably have it for one of two reason,
as some point we intersected and this (the email address) was given or
someone else (as in 9 degrees) intersected with you then to me and the
email address was given then..in either case the time and place may
have been light years ago, or maybe last week, i don't know; but for
future reference I can and will remove you from my promotional
listings..again, sorry to have disturbed you.
best regards,
ran-D (btw is my name, and Brent, i think we have met..)

Hey, Ran-D,

I bet you are right and we have met. But, please don't remove me from
your personal list and let's get more acquainted. While I am not
traveling and cannot come to showings (however much I like them) that
are not on this island (hell, I am having trouble getting to openings
on the other side of this small rock) I don't want to pass up a chance
to correspond with an artist who resonates on such a similar frequency
with mine.

Take a look at my art (sorry about the site being so fucked up) at gayartshow.com. That is my old site and needs repair.

Then, go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Paintings2006/ and see some of my later stuff. I have been busy doing woodburning (which is how I earn my pocket money now that I am on Social Security). When you look at your stuff and my stuff, you will see how much we approach color and light in such a similar way.

So, stay well, keep artifying and let us be friends.

B

Oh, my  gosh, i'm actually back; i sent AT&T 

a small e mail the other night cause I could not get into this site 
And they resolved the matter before monday; wow, I don't believe it;

esp., since I'd had the problem for some time..

Hello,

Thank you for contacting Yahoo! Small Business Support.

I understand that you are getting an error while trying to login to your
Blog.

I do apologize for the inconvenience this may have caused you. As the 
error which you have specified is related to the connectivity to the 
database for your blog, we have repaired the databases. But as we do not
have your login information we are unable to test or replicate it. 
Please try login again and let us know if the issue still persists.

We believe this solution should resolve your issue. If the issue still 
persists, in order for us to assist you with this matter in the most 
efficient manner, please go to the following URL:

   http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/contactus

After logging into the Yahoo! ID that is associated with your Yahoo! 
Small Business plan, you will have access to our contact phone number as
well as the option to schedule a call back.

Please do not hesitate to reply if you need further assistance.

Regards,

 Darshan

Yahoo! Small Business Supp 

don't matter

I'm happy for the results of the little show I mentioned above; 

cause I sold at least 3 of the works mentioned; not for too handsome of a price but enough for me to feel ok about the whole effort.

Of course now I need to start looking for another venture; 

Now that i've got this page back and up;

I'm never really sure what is important to tell strangers, and how do I assume if they want or need to know what I might have to say;

What i've been doing all day ( internet wise..ya know..) and all day cause I'm a captive audience; work phool,

 Flavorwire, o.k., i like em', sometime the opinion is not my taste, and the reviews are subject to 'suspended disbelief' i'm kwel wit dat; so i read em, and often follow up on some of the links; Flavorpill and the Daily Dose bring you today's cultural news, events, and special member-only updates right to your inbox!

u know i admire these peeps, RADIOHEAD, so much of their  music is appropriate for my life, and or events of my life;

the emotional range of their material seems to have an eternal quality; i.e., to suggest the songs will be remembered long after their creators life..

" After the overwhelming response to the Nude Remix Project, Radiohead are giving you the opportunity to remix "Reckoner", another track from the band's latest album "In Rainbows".

To make remixing easy, the separate 'stems'* from the song were available to purchase from several digital stores. The 'stems' available were bass, lead vocals, backing vocals, guitar, piano/strings and drums. All six stems were available to buy for the price of a single track. You can mix them in any way you like, either by adding your own beats and instrumentation, or just remixing the original parts.

Finished mixes can be uploaded _here_ where the public will listen and vote for their favourite remix (submissions end 13th November). You can also create a widget allowing votes from your own website, Facebook or MySpace page to be counted as 'mix votes' back on radioheadremix.com. Radiohead will listen to the best remixes.

*'stems' are the component parts of the song.

If you have any questions / need some help please click here.

For full terms and conditions, click here. " 

You're probably thinking one of two things right now. Either “Who or what exactly is Semi-Permanent?” or “Oh, it’s those Semi-Permanent guys, I’ve heard of them.” For the sake of this About section we are going to assume you are part of the former, mainly to cover our arse and to make sure you get a good understanding of what the event is, even if you have already heard of us. So, what is Semi-Permanent? To put it simply Semi-Permanent is a design event. It consists of a conference and side events which include exhibitions, competitions, workshops and parties. It’s a week long celebration of all things design. Graphic Design, Film, Art, Illustration, Web Design, Photography, Visual Effects, Animation, Graffiti, Motion Graphics, Stop Motion; all these things and more. Semi-Permanent explores the diverse and exciting design world bringing together exceptionally talented artists and designers to speak at the event.
 

 Some where along the line of creativity, I don’t where but I definitely think about other art__as well as my own; I wonder about who influences who.( Homoeroticism refers to same-sex erotic expression that is more subtle and less explicit than overt depictions of homosexual situations and behavior. Homoerotic content in art and literature can be either consciously or unconsciously intended by the artist or author.)   This is like my love and/or friendships over time as well, who influences who?

1. EMILio Baz viaud _________Born in Mexico City, Emilio Baz Viaud is painter little known, even in Mexico, whose work has only just started to be evaluated by experts. He studied architecture but was always interested in painting, and was a pupil of the artist Manuel Rodríguez Lozano, who guided him along the path to his real vocation as an artist. He did not give an individual exhibition until 1951, although he was featured in several collective exhibitions together with such eminent artists as Siqueiros and Diego Rivera. His meticulous technique in "trompe-l'oeil" style, achieved by applying oil paints to a dry surface, was praised by his colleagues and critics of the day, who unanimously compred his verism with the brushwork, to that of the great Renaissance masters such as Dürer and Boticelli. In the seventies he went through a period of abstract painting, but he is mainly known for his work done before 1955.
2.  bEN HUr bAZ Viaud____________+

I’ve not been one to think that my work exist..

                                                                In a vacumn..i mean, nothing is original, and I’m certain that my concepts, ideas, passions and expressions fall in similar groundation with others..or perhaps, I’m projecting; claim others impulses, and ideas short of  understanding what exactly is my work;

  http://www.culturabrasil.pro.br/portinari.htm

       how different is my portrait work from the work of a brazilian a half a century ago..

 The act of self-portraiture by the African-American artist necessarily engages
intense philosophical and conceptual problems of the ontological and epistemological
sort that inevitably bubble to the surface - interrogations that force one,
for example, to relativise the universalising claims of identity formation made in
the name of the Lacanian 'mirror phase'. As Ann Pellegrini has pointed out,
Lacanian concepts of subjectivity are inadequate for application to the racially
oppressed, for any 'positive' self-image of blackness secured in early identifications
with parental models contrasts sharply and automatically with 'the
distortion-effects of racism and the white gaze'.5 Both racism and racialisation
(the process of being raced from without) constitute a system of cultural power
having profound effects on subjectivity. The self-portraitist must work through
this system of signification before she/he can get to that essential, yet ultimately
elusive, T. Racialisation produces the black subject as incomplete, continually in
process of becoming and as a locus of ambiguous and constantly shifting
meaning. The racialised subject becomes 'trapped' within the condition of
disunity, continually split into pieces, shattered, identified from without, within
the contexts of modernity and colonialism. This experience provides the basis
upon which to consider the act of self-portraiture as a potentially therapeutic
necessity for bonding the public racial self with the private inner self (if indeed
such a self exists).  *Smalls, James(2001)'African-American self-portraiture',Third Text,15:54,47 — 62

(5 Ann Pellegrini,
Performance Anxieties:
Staging Psychoanalysis,
Staging Race, Routledge,
New York, 1997, p 81.) 

i lept to the above, because in essence, much of my figurative work is just that, an attempt to find myself, outside of the confines of this  "system of signification"  in either context, homosexual, or black 'american' male.    To  appropriate some'ting()

1.  ^{Reading Melvin Dixon's Vanishing Rooms: Experiencing "the ordinary rope that can change in a  second to a lynches’’ noose or a rescue line" Vivian M. May Part 2: Plum Nelly: New Essays in Black Queer Studies}

i  read in a  review of  some one else's work..my work i think almost unconciously  'disrupts: philosophical distinctions between fact and value, knowledge and emotion, mind and body, self and other; polarized identity/bodily categories, including black and white, masculine and feminine, gay and straight; conventional oppositions between love and hatred, desire and destruction, empathy and appropriation; and spatial-geographical boundaries between inside and outside, home and street, heteronormative and queer spaces..'

.'

 and again to appropriate someone else's turn of a phrase..in which he was speaking of Paul Cadmus's work, but I am thinking it too chacterizes much of my 'intent' ..can i say that?

'Cadmus is just as compelling when exploring the personal and political proclivities of bodies in rest and motion. Male bodies, that is. More than most artists of his substantial stature, Cadmus has detailed with exquisite tenderness and unblinking bluntness the manner in which gay males--and the gay male gaze--represent the polemics of aesthetics.

Think of it this way: Cadmus's nudes--and, to a lesser yet still relevant extant, his studies of societal strata--offer us an opportunity to consider that beauty, though woundingly, agonizingly, deliciously seductive, also can be a ruthless guise, a four-letter word..'

       o.k., to review;

1. • Homoeroticism

   • self-portraiture

   • 'the
     distortion-effects of racism and the white gaze'

   • ambiguous and constantly shifting
     meaning

   • disruption

     
     personal and political proclivities of bodies in rest and motion. Male bodies

      

      

•                    Jack Balas

•                          Wes Hempel

•                         Mary Borgman

•                        Adin de Masi
  

•                         AES Art Group_+ VLADIMIR FRIDKES

•                         Martin Brouillette
  

•                        Kent Williams

•                       Anahita Vossoughi

•                      Henry Wuorila-Stenberg

•                      Odd Nerdrum 

•                      John Sonsini 

•                       Zeng Fahzhi

•                       Jacob collins 

•                      Joseph radoccia 

•                      Duggie Fields 

•                      david Germard Romero 

•                      maya Bloch aka mia.in.the.sky 

•                    carl James ferrero 

•                     Attila richard lukacs    

•                      Scott waters 

•                      aaron Smith        

•                     kyle Ranson

•                      dennis cooper

•                     albrecht Durer

•                      Matthias Hermann 

1.  

        of course the first thing i notice about this list is that none of these artist (i think) are persons of color, or black; and in a little way, i'm kinda ashamed of that fact; like i'm way to focused on a certain subject matter that doesn't really seem to impact many black artist; or that I'm way too focused on euro/american (read white) art values. I do think I have some black artist specificly african but I failed to book mark their sites on this machine of which i am making this entry...
    

Why i love him,

   Yesterday, my boi came to visit as he usually does on a friday; he shared half of his meal with me--i mean the boi brought a burrito all the way from 30th ave east side to share wit me on 33 st west side.

    We watched two movies, like rambo 2008 (which was way to graphic for my taste wit the killing and shit..but he kept reassuring me it was just a movie, and not to take it so seriously) and untraceable side by side on the floor, almost spooning;

    He smoked me out, as he usually does on fridays when he has the weed; he even reached out and touched me and said, 'not to worry elvis is here' when i told him how much i had fiend for weed the night before..but this morning i got up to go to work and my boi had set aside a bit of weed for me to have this morning.

    he spends the night with me and always gets up wit me in the morning to talk and hang out before i have to go to work.

    He shares his last cigarettes with me;  

    he wants to be in my company and share with me his thoughts and feelings about most things, people and places;

    he wants to go on adventures with me, even if that is just a trip across the bay bridge to SF.

    He like the idea of being my muse; and dosen't mind if I constantly draw him, or even ask him to pose for me (though right now, he seems mainly comfortable with me just drawing his face--we are working up to more full body poses..)

     we have become more physically affectionate cause now we touch each other a little more and with less and less reservation.

     He thinks of my needs, cause the other day I told him how i was struggling with my cummuter funds for getting to work and back; and he came up wit a BART  ticket that would get me to the end of the month and a bit further.  Told me in fact, when the ticket was offered to him, he snatched it up cause he knew I could use it.

   he enjoys cooking for himself and I; and when I have food in the house he is no stranger to preparing, cooking and serving the food; he is also thoughtful enough to clean up the kitchen.  I have come to my place many-a-day and he had cleaned up the kitchen even though he hadn't made any of the mess.

     He enjoys my friends and engages them socially; the other night he got all the guys to play 5  hands of the bones, daminoes; quite the feat when you consider that neither randy or ryan typically play the bones;

   He is funny; and sweet;

   he is sensual and innocent;

   he is open and honest;

   he is loyal and dependent;

   a true friend; a real buddy.

   such a great boi, my moneys on him to be a great man/lover for some one in the future.

I could go on and on about elvis..

    i definitly needed to say the things that I have said above;

 this little work sort of combines a couple of things on my mind these days;

my shopping cart series, and Butt Magazine..why?

well you could say i find it the men's magazine of choice for the queer male, and i have to admit it is not too bad, esp., when it come to men of color too.  Now don't get me wrong, it is mostly white cats, but they do manage to include some brothers from time to time.

the drawing is a readers self pic submitted to the mag, and i couldn't resist cause of the skateboard; i've a sweet interest in skater punks, esp, the queer ones.

    as my birthday month comes to a close, i've really got not much to talk about; i'm hungry as hell, since I've exhusted all funds and really i've only got beans left in my house.  boi, that tuff..

wit regards to my shopping kart theme,

i know i'm not the only one focusing on this subject matter,

see also,

nesting-instincts.blogspot.com/2008/04/friday...

http:the art terroist, Banksy, whom i have great respect, esp., cause he too..

http://www.banksy.co.uk/indoors/hunters.html 

http://www.banksy.co.uk/indoors/01.html

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30100-13351236,00.html

    by Mistress gotcha;

oh, boi, there are so many of us on the same wave lenght;

http://www.strayshoppingcart.com/

Until now, the major obstacle that has prevented people from thinking critically about stray shopping carts has been that we have not had any formalized language to differentiate one shopping cart from another."

 or how about Chris Bruch in a very intersting project; this is the first i have ever heard of this cat..quote

"In Seattle, the master of shopping carts is Cris Bruch, who holds the title even though he's done nothing with them since the 1980s. In his shaggy youth, he liked to push his fantastically overloaded "Roller Roaster" through downtown. When he felt like it, he'd stop to light the coals and roast onions he'd give or barter away."

u can trust..?

In Search Of A Black Gay Mecca

donald

OSW: Summer Solstice '08

EJ flavors

JOSH!

corey sparks ( i don't know why i find this white boi kwel, maybe cause he has hell'a black friends, least it seems so..) 

o.k., this is not moving today,

how about some art..yes art..

 the Shopping Kart series, this one is part 2 of a triptych; I hope to hang in a fellow office mates office..

perhaps you would like to see part 1 of this same triptych; o.k.;

 oh, yeah,

    i was trying to provide some useful links, see the thing is i generally keep bookmarks, like most folks, then they stack up, cause i never get a chance to get back to them; well in these links, since they are bookmarked at work, yeah, i like check on them all the time..so i kinda recommend these links, in good faith, sort of speak..

Casual in Instanbul   is saying goodbye, and for white to light brown eye candy, that's too bad;

mind you i don't think it is my taste, so much as a reference; since as you may or may not know about me is that I typically only draw the male figure.

and race don't matter at that point, beauty is beauty;

Ahbab News

    the real deal is the three other links,  like Rantings Of Angry Sarcastic Bitchy Queer Arab Americans

    or  كاهنان مثليا الجنس يعقدان قرانهما بأكبر 

                                                   كنيسة في لندن
 

                      I have no idea what the above says;

however

GME's 5th Birthday

May 2003 - May 2008  ; o.k., enough on the arab queer world; though I do wonder about cast and color issues in the queer world of arabs; like does it matter, is there a fetish on darker color or birth place and such..

stuff these sites don't really talk about; in essence these sites really only talk to and for other arabs, and don't really bring other queers of color into the fold..per say.. 

  i heart Clay Cane..     

 speaking of celebrity cult shit.. i heart crunk and disordly too.. 

    not that any of what either has to say means that much to me, but the pages are bright and colorfull and sometimes funny as hell.

    i really like this guy, who is gay, but that is not the reason i read his blog, wait, yes it is..

so what; Not shady, just fierce is just that. 

this is one of my latest images of boi wonder, Elvis; he's watching TV on a hot day in May at my place; we probably just smoked a bit of weed (blunt);

I used this one to include him in a new series "Shopping Carts" I've been posting on my flickr.com site. 

The shopping cart is an extended methaphor of 'freedom' for me as regards the consumerism of our culture; in essence I belive we all carry around a shopping cart kind of mentality__to quote Soul Position " Homeless people think they free, I think it's funny.. Cause freedom is a joke when everything costs money "*; like the way we use to say 'bag'  e.g., 'what's yo bag, man' or 'that is your baggage, bro', I have extended this to include the shopping cart;  As individuals we are always shopping, and throwing both needed and useless 'things' into our shopping cart, assuming we can cover them at the time of our 'check out'.  We also haul around a lot of consumer desire and/or consumed things which we assume gives us some sort of

status.  I  don't think our carts are necessarily visible to each other,   i guess it

depends on just how preceptive you are about peoples.  I seem to think we can see through each other.  I don't think people are all that original and if you study them hard enough you start to see the same things in many people.  The shopping cart seems to reference people to me; esp., after watch the many cart people in my hood, of which i am speaking the people whom use them as homes and vehicles for hauling; I've seen many variations of 'pimping' out their carts, which seem to match the same ways that the more fortunate pimp out their cars, houses, and themselves.  " Freedom in America, is all about consumption
You ain't free unless you get out there and buy somethin
More spendin, more taxes
More money for our military actions." 

Jean Michael Basquait probably had an insight on this visual image sooner than I have though I don't recall seeing anything in his works; but like my mexican poster series,  he too did a number of works on found street advertisment, boxing posters.

                                     I am so proud to be channeling MJB; since he is an idol of mine.  I wish I had met him.  O.k., all of a sudden I have forgotten the motivation for my blogging today.  I am not even sure I had a base reason for posting what I am posting other than too much free time.  Truth be told, I am at work while i put these pages into affect.  Recently I have taken to 'downloading' music files; suffice to say, I on occassion feel guilty about my behavior.  So, a couple of things are gonna come out of this behavior; One, I will make greater effort to give actual review of some of the music I am listening;  and secondly, I will give greater effort at just mentioning the artist I am so fond towards. 

My latest, artist of choice is this HOJ, or Justus league players, like Little Brother.

Music: Little Brother - "Getback Army"  

 Big Pooh, another of the league, provided this rather excellent 4 disc mix set of little brother and many others, of which I am more than anxious to get home and listen;  Hell, let me go get my little ear plugs so that I can take a listen while i am here.  I mean I only had to look at the play list for cd 1 to know I had to find and listen to this mix;

No way I could sleep on a list like this..no way.. 

01 Rapper Big Pooh - "Interview On Fiasco Fam Radio" (feat. KayCee)
02 Little Brother - "Cool As A Fan"
03 Phonte - "Yellow Lines" (feat. Cunninlynguists & Witchdoctor)
04 Rapper Big Pooh - "Plastic Cups" (feat. Joe Scudda & Chaundon)
05 Little Brother - "Step Off"
06 Phonte - "Think Good Thoughts" (feat. 9th Wonder & Drake)
07 Little Brother - "No Time To Chill" (feat. 9th Wonder)
08 Carlitta Durand - "What If"
09 Phonte - "Africa" (feat. Zo)
10 Rapper Big Pooh - "What Makes A Man" (feat. 9th Wonder & Buddy Klein)
11 Little Brother - "Honey Remix" (feat. Erykah Badu & Wall Sparks)
12 Phonte - "Dillagence" (feat. DJ Spinna)
13 Little Brother - "Lose It" (feat. Jozeemo)
14 Rapper Big Pooh - "Respect It" (feat. Illa J & Bishop Lamont)
15 Phonte - "Letyourselfgo" (feat. Evidence & Alchemist)
16 Carlitta Durand - "Her"
17 Little Brother - "Whatever U Want" (feat. DJ Jazzy Jeff)
18 Phonte - "Paper Chaser" (feat. Playaz Circle)

 You need to go there to see how much more is there for FREE.  I think these are some rather down to earth brothers..(least from this distance, cause you know some bloods look (idealogy wise) better from a distance than up close.)  I mean, i'm like really into hip hop but a lot of hip hop players are rather homo phobic..of which i see no reason for being so, anyhow; i might be really digging a cat productions and poetry, then he goes and makes a rather homo phobic remark that kind'a set the politics clear to me..in other words, the same ole shit just packaged differently;

Another player i've been checking out.who is associated with HOJ peeps. Skyzoo, so far he seems knowledgeable, and sensitive, but I won't be surprise if he comes off homo phobic..in some public context at some point.  If any'ting, I will simply walk away from this player and all associated players..

I check out 'Cloud 9 the three day high' and found it easy enough to get into; after about 3 plays I realized it lacked real depth of thought, but flows easy.  I need to give it a closer listen to write an honest review. esp., since i won't be about comparing him to anybody. 

 another cat i just noticed is CEsar Comanche

 can't say much about him since I need to get into his music first; You know I don't really care about these players public life.; I am only into the music and the voice that music brings into my world.   So let me give him a proper listen and I will get back with you on what the what is for me.

 yo, bit torrents music file sharing has increased my 'experience (knowledge)base' by three fold, of both what has been and what is currently happening in music (esp. the music of hip hop, alternative, house, soul and jazz)

    I'm not just listening to more music, but I am aware of more music and or the artist that produce and make music__see, where I'm going with this? the thing with access to torrents is that if you have material to hold, store and play the stuff you find; you will find so much more than you could haver ever 'retail consumed' in the same period of time;  In all honesty I doubt I could ever afford the physical space required to house my mp3 collection where they actually CD or vinyl; Likewise  I could care less about the 'moral' of skipping over the retail (least the market place retail, cause I still gotta pay for the equipment I use, and the internet acess that I do have, yeah, boi on the monthly) but, I'm more focused on how the experience has advanced my musical appreciation; I'll be clear to admit that much of the music i've been collecting is far from the most current, esp., with the hip hop; i mean, i am just now 'catching up' with the last (easy) 10 years of hip hop.  I simply could never have afforded the retail value of these albums even if I wanted; I mean the side bars are equally fantastic, in that i'm 52 years old and experienced the film 'Coffy' for the first time last nite wit my 17 year old mexican smoking buddy, thanks to a bit torrent file of the movie; true the film is on Netflix and available thru Amazon but that is at least a $10.90 cost plus (i.e., shipping and handling in the Amazon case and or subscription cost in the netflix case). 

I'm thinking bit torrent music file sharing has enhanced and increased my music knowledgebase (definitly cost wise) in the same way TuneCore (and it's founder which is not a bit_torrent, so much as a cheaper access like eMusic then say a store like Virgins or the now defunkt Towers..) has provided musician seeking independence from labels and such an internet platform at almost no cost.

"Taken together these new ways of making and sharing culture could have broad ramifications on the fundamental relations between production and consumption and on the traditional sources of authority for culture and knowledge. We are beginning to imagine how amateurs, file-sharers, and bloggers, by reshaping long-established standards of production and consumption, could fundamentally challenge existing institutional and professional authority. We are today barely seeing the first glimmerings of what a fully networked public culture might look like. Despite persistent pundit predictions of imminent doom for established content industries, or conversely, of the squelching of common culture by the iron fist of corporate power, the future of public culture seems to us very much up for grabs. We are still at the start of the trajectory of social, cultural, and technical change in the network era. Our goal in this chapter therefore is not to declare the forms of networked culture we describe as fait accompli, as inevitable forms of culture and media. Rather, we have specifically selected cases that suggest emergent and radical changes, but which are also sites of contestation very much subject to the forces of government regulation, technological engineering, and corporate maneuvering. The power of networked, viral, and laterally organized Internet groups is just one of many forces contesting these futures, but it is a newly energized player and the one we focus on in the cases of amateur music, anime fandom, viral marketing, and online news."

 see also:

                Networked Publics

               TorrentFreaks

              WarSystems

               Wired

 

to start again;

my podomatic link at the heading of this site, is once again an active link; in that I* am making a greater effort to place mixes there.  Seems I am most inspired every year around this time, i.e. May thru July; my muse wit music is all about the sharing, even if that is suggestively poor quality mixing.

speaking of music, 

i got caught talking about my past and the music that I can no longer listen to without going there, and The Orb came to mind, right along with tricky, (whom's 'vulnerable in 2003 was kind'a the last i picked up from him..> ‘Vulnerable’ is an eclectic mash of downbeat claustrophobia, beauty, visceral guitar crunching pained laments propelled by economic beats, and upbeat Garbage-esque bouncers. < (Burn It Blue, May 2003)

<"I called this album Vulnerable because it's my most honest and open record. On this album I've stopped hiding and I'm allowing people to see different sides of the real me." < (official bio)

and Alec Empire; Alec's latest is "The Golden Foretaste Of Heaven"

The Orb, have or had a new release in 2007 called

The dream; and here is a single off that album from me to you, Phantom of Ukraine

 thing is, to me, they sound just like they did in the 1990's with most of their stuff__which at first given the amount of pot I smoke(d); i thought was really kwel, nice spacey stuff that let my mind wander; after a few listens and the eventual breakup with my boi friend of the time} who more or less introduced me to the sounds of the orb with AUNTIE AUBREYS EXCURSIONS BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY (The Orb Remix Project-- JUL, 1996)_

which we wore out in CD form, eventually found in LP format, of which I kept just to spite him; to eventually resell since I could not stand listening to the crap__(because of him..u know);

ORBUS TERRARUM -- MAR, 1995 & POMME FRITZ (The Orb's Little Album) -- JUN, 1994} ;  I'm working on re claiming some of their music cause on a sunny summer afternoon, when i've smoked the good purple, or bubble-gum, the Orb sound nice and dreamy (if a only a bit repetitive--and I don't think about him anymore.)

If you want to know, they are the following :

ORBSCURE TRAX -- APR, 1997

AUBREY MIXES (The Ultraworld Excursions) -- DEC, 1991

The Orb vs Meat Beat Manifesto 

    O.k., I've been bad; yes,

 I have been all over scrapetorrent.com i should say looking; but i'm not just looking;

using either Transmission or BitonWheels, I've been bad. Both of which are a fast, easy, and free multi-platform BitTorrent client with a focus on being lightweight yet feature-filled.

Now, I tried to tell a buddy, that I don't do this that often, which is like telling a buddy, I don't jackoff too often; when in fact I do at least twice a day, AM and PM; likewise with bit torrents; I got a definite bug, and find that as much as I love music, I can not afford to keep up with the sheer volume of music I am interested in hearing or playing (since that is two different activities for me..yup)

Anyhow,

 Since I've been gaining a number of MP3 files that I'm definitly gonna have a hard time finding (and or purchasing) in vinyl, I am at least looking into MP3 players wit my mixing deck..