who can i turn to ..

      though i seem indifferent about the events of my life; i am often at odds wit knowing why and where for these things be happening to me..

      there is a concious attempt on my part to reconcile and adjust my varying temperments; i just don't seem to manage to the approval of folks other folks involved.

     today, sunday, at work and there is no where to get that third cup of coffee..now that I am on campus..nothing as in cafe, pub, deli, or thing of the like.

      totem 

     why don't i feel the relation of past to present, seems a constant forward motion__my past becomes blurr'd concepts, at once unfamilar to myself..who said i understood the things i accomplished..

On February 17th in NYC, there's a Harold Hunter Memorial event__aturday, February 18, 2006 From the mainstream news: February 18, 2006 -- A skateboarder who appeared in the controversial 1995 movie "Kids" was found dead in his Lower East Side apartment yesterday of an apparent cocaine overdose, cops said. Harold Hunter, RIP
 

 The Mystic Sk8 Cup (MSC) is amongst the best events of the WCS (World Cup Skateboarding) series and it is the most popular event in Europe. The main reason is unarguable - the event is much more than a sports competition. Live concerts, DJ performances, graffiti jam, art exhibitions, video projections and various workshops play an important role in the event, just to name a few. The key idea is to do everything the riders need and want to enjoy taking part in the event.

 and what sk8's have to do with my state of mind is rather abstract..i doubt i could explain myself without sound queer..

 perhaps it's simply a boi's life    ..         .. hard for me to put a finger on my drama..suffice to say, it is all to do about nothing..really.

Nostalgia and desire in Japanese 'homosexual' porn
Mark McLelland 

Pornography in Japan is less segregated than in Anglophone countries and a wide variety of sexual imagery is apparent throughout the media, including diverse representations of male homosexuality. This presentation looks at two specific sites where images of male homosexuality are particularly common: gay magazines and videos and, more surprisingly, girls' comics. I suggest that for Japanese women, male homosexuality is tied up with notions of the foreign. Many of the stories and scenarios are situated in distant, 'other' places and the 'beautiful boys' who fall in love with each other are drawn in such a way to look, if not exactly 'Western, ' at least 'not Japanese.'

In pornographic images and stories created by and for Japanese gay men, however, foreign locations and foreigners themselves are largely absent. Featured instead are many representations of 'the traditional Japanese man' that evoke nostalgia for scenarios from Japan's homosocial past: the Shrine festival, the boys' school, the playing field. 'Authentic' Japanese props, such as the fundoshi (loin-cloth) are common signifiers of this Japaneseness. To some extent Japanese gay men's desire is directed at images from the past where foreigners are absent. Japanese women's fantasies of male homosexual desire, however, are frequently concerned with characters and scenarios that if not always foreign, are at least not Japan(ese)

 what can i possibly mean by all of this nonesense.. well, that i'm not the only blk queer out there wit sex on the brain..24/7