who knows the ways of love ?

thing with me, lovers and i are often never on the same page; why, i think of them as lovers must be some failing in me. Suffice to say, that my little fing with AB is over--it ended as badly as it had started, wit me out some monies that i should have never invested..but truth be told, it is only money, and i am rather out money than my heart__
The first cut is the Deepest;
I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and he's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
'cause when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me he's worst
but when it comes to being loved he's first
that's how I know
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
I still want you by my side
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
cause I'm sure gonna give you a try
and if you want, I'll try to love again
but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
'Cause when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me he's worst
but when it comes to being loved he's first
that's how I know
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

and he did cut me deeply (in the heart) wit his careless love.
if i could call it love at all, more like fetish, and i was way too self absorbed to notice just how useless his desire was for me. I think I am guilty again of wanting someting to work that i knew from the start was never, never never going to work,
a boy can hope cann't he?

my dad and i are the only two still alive in this picture; my Aunt Penny, passed away just last year..shortly after christmas i think; and my uncle Joe he passed away at least a couple of years ago..time moves on. I like Aunt Penny. She was really a sweet woman, though she did scare me with her sense of anger and frustration with men and things..Uncle Joe was just a kwel cat..remarried late in life and i think had childern too, though I don't know any of them..
some time ago i did a portrait of my Dad and sometime ago i finally got it to him in the mail..no one thinks about the cost to me to send out paintings..cause i never get a little kick back for my efforts..but i guess my pleasure, is knowing my dad got to see and participate in my work..
Most people seem to have something to say in their blogs about the ways of other folks and things in the world..whereas I always seem lost in personal reflections esp., on love and sex..is this my obcession..boi i must be self absorbed..
o.k., a friend of mine marshall Trammell is hosting an event this coming friday, the 26th, of Jan., and he asked me if i would like to spin some records; which, of course, i would. Who is marshall..
MARSHALL TRAMMELL has been an improvising musician as a percussionist and trumpeter in and around the San Francisco Bay Area for over a decade. He has performed and recorded in a multiplicity of ensembles of musicians, dancers and poets featuring Creative Improvised Music, Avant-Garde and Free Jazz and Noise. His musical interests have led him to work with such improvising dignitaries as John Tchicai, Wadada Leo Smith, Eddie Gale, Francis Wong, Lisle Ellis and Phillip Greenlief. Alongside this attachment to Improvising Arts he has expressed a commitment to social justice movement development with such organizations as Critical Resistance (Oakland), the Prison Activist Resource Center, San Francisco Coalition on Homelessness and Homes Not Jails.
He continues to inform his approaches to music-making, alone and with groups, from radical socio-political dynamics of organization and protest. Marshall studied Orff Music Pedagogy and has taught sound construction and music to high school teens at the Meridian Gallery Interns Program on an installation piece called "Turn Everything Into Art," which one first prize at the San Francisco Youth Arts Festival. He has also taught music on Orff instruments at the Lafayette School Mentoring Project, in West Oakland, with elementary school students using embodied music- learning techniques to encourage improvisation and composition. Marshall has currently earned a residency through Met Life and the Arts Center in Troy, NY to teach video, self-publishing and media literacy at Troy High School.
I've know marshall since back in my Oh So Little Cafe days, where he was often in the house, as well as a good friend/associate of Tyler's. He is truly an activist..unlike people who say that about themselves, yet are not involved with anything or any one.. the gig is at the Knockout bar at 3223 mission street, Eclectic Outer Mission waterhole with live entertainment, theme nights and eye candy galore., besides,
Yelp, real people real reviews, should give you a pretty good idea..of the space..
I thought i lost the above peice, since i had it with some others in a christmas show..at ARTSF; gosh, i priced the stuff at $35.00 bones and i even matted the material in black, but i never sold a single peice...boo hoo..
I also showed my work at their "Creatures in the Dark" show last year around Feb., as well as their 4 year anniversery show 'Happy' which was January of last year. In all cases I have never been able to sell any work there..oh, some one once gave me a pot cookie for one of my paintings..and i almost let her take it..but when she failed to pick up the work..i took it back home..too bad for her..right?