iDLg v.6

what can i say; i definitly didn't want the boi to go away, but i did want him to grow up and take better care of his 'issues', like anger management, distrust, abandonment, usery, etc., etc.,;

hopefully, our 2 + hour long conversation, kind'a brought us back to the same page; I know i really need and want him to be in my life--though i kinda turned off to drama from a man, esp., when i think i'm being played, whether that is emotionally, or finanically, or mentally..even if some times a fool doesn't realize that they play you and themself, still turns me off.

i'm just not feeling my own life these last few days; don't know, perhaps i'm a bit depressed over the turn of events in my life with people i thought loved me and cared about me--nothing like the cold truth to shake up yo tree, i.e., when u realize that no one loves you and that may include your mother too.

Thinking to myself, well, i better go out and find me some one to love; then get stuck in the doorway, cause i realize i don't really know where to look for love; esp., a fool like myself, who falls so easily but when it crashes, i can hardly get off the floor.  guess i'm being a bit cryptic. 

i look at myself, as a little boi to a mature young man, and i don't know who i am; now 51 years into the making and seems i'm still looking for who i am, perhaps that is also where i am and what i want to be.  I've never defined myself by occupation so i know that is not what i am tripping on; guess i had thought i would a lot more clear about personal space than i am apparently.

need to come back to this page..until later..goodnight